Thursday, July 12, 2007

Slide + Pool = Slool?

If you were to watch this video out of the context of this blog you wouldn’t believe that we live in Southern California, in a modern city… with electricity and real honest-to-goodness plumbing.

So, it is a good triple-digit afternoon and there’s nothing better than jumping into a big plastic vat of stagnant water that the dog’s been drinking out of all morning, and while I’m sitting out there, sweltering like an idiot without much sense to get out of the sun, I say to myself, “We’ve got this perfectly good slide completely going to waste here on the lawn while they're splashing in the pool.”

While the kids are content with merely jumping off of the little inflatable seat at the bottom of the pool, my “mow-your-lawn-find-a-car” mind starts to churn. Just what if… now, I’m spit-balling here, but just what if, we were to combine the joys and jubilations of the nine-foot-round pool with all of the thrills and adventure of a four-foot slide into one stupendous, momentous activity that would surely blow their little minds, heralding me, in their eyes, the king of all creation for masterminding such a brilliant plan?

Just maybe it was possible.

Well, folks, I’m here to tell you, that it was. But no mind blowing took place. I think Matthew gave me a look that said he was wondering when it would dawn on me to put the two together and that he would have done it himself days ago if he were strong enough to move it.

Of course, I took some video… and, of course, I put it together for your enjoyment, but there are two things that particularly disturb me… well, three things actually. First, I need to butch up my son a bit. I mean, c’mon, how long can I let the kid walk around with Strawberry Shortcake floaties on his arms and still walk into the tool section at Home Depot with my head held high. They’re pink (which isn’t much better than his yellow ones, I guess, but at least his yellow ones have cute—but manly—sea creatures on them)! But the thing that really bothers me is that, since I’m so use to the girly antics of Natalie and all of her sugar and spice, what with the faux makeup, the purses, the princess dresses, the tiaras and all of the things she does that I have too much testosterone to comprehend, I didn’t even notice that Matthew was wearing the pink floaties.

Finally, the third thing that bothers me was at the end of the video, when he actually fell in the pool, he wasn’t even wearing the floaties! Gosh.

They’re going to revoke my Fathers’ Club membership for this one, and of course, if my dad makes fun of me for this, I'll just drag out the picture of him--about Matthew's age--wearing a dress and carrying a purse. Where has that picture been all my life, as there were many occasions I could have used it as quite the trump card!

All in all, we had a slooling good time sloshing around in our trailer-park pool. I’m just grateful I have all of my teeth otherwise it would have been quite a sight.

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