Hey, I Don’t Entirely Suck at Art

Who would have thought it? Granted, I’m not going to win any awards and there are high traces of suckitude in my art, but so far, it’s been nothing but As. In fact, during class, we have to periodically get up and make a lap around the room to look at the progress of other people’s art, and I’m happy to say that there are other people in the class that suck at a higher level than I do. I mean, really, there are some people that shouldn’t be taking art at all. It’s like “American Idol.” How can you possibly imagine that you can sing?

I thought I would be one of those people whose art the instructor tears off the wall and tramples into fibers so no innocent eyes would befall upon it and forever be ruined. I pictured her walking around the room, criticizing our art with a cigarette at the end of one of those long thin holders perched out of the corner of her mouth, muttering to herself through wisps of smoke, “Crap, crap, crap…” Then getting to mine, clutching her chest and falling over dead with gray matter oozing from her eye sockets. (I bet that paints a picture for you, doesn’t it?)

You may remember my trepidation about taking an art class, especially from someone who hardly ever picks up a pencil bent on creativity, and I figured it would be difficult to do. Granted it isn’t easy. Before each and every drawing, I stare at a blank sheet of paper with hesitation on where to begin, but in the end, I’ve been pleased with my abilities and the results. Some of it as you will see, however, is just awful, plain awful.

Some of the messier stuff we have to do for homework—India ink, pastel chalks, etc.—I do out on the patio on our old kitchen table, as the best way to clean spilt India ink out of your carpets is with a utility knife and creatively placed furniture. Which explains the picture at the top of the page. And the wine? What pretentious artist wouldn't have a glass of wine nearby?

Remember, when you look at these, I’m no Picasso, so be kind.

For this first one, we had been drawing sketches of fruit in block form, meaning that we divided up the fruit into blocks based on how the light was hitting it and our perception of the shape. I didn't fully get it, but after I had done a pear, the instructor used my sketch as an example to show the class, so I must have been doing something right. After that exercise, we had to draw our hand in the same manner, and since I was looking at my hand holding a pencil, it seemed easier to draw. After drawing it in blocks, we had to round over the round parts and shade in everything else. Given that I've never really drawn life forms before, I'm rather proud of it. Of course, it is an example of art not imitating life, as I rarely hold my pencil this way. Furthermore, I rarely hold pencils at all.

Below was one was one of the first drawings we did on the second day of class. We had to draw two angles our shoes without lifting up the piece of charcoal. It was difficult to do, until I found out we could lift up the piece of charcoal. It's called contour drawing. I should have worn nicer shoes to class, however.

This orange we did on the first day of class. We had to draw the same fruit seven times using a variety of medium and a bunch of different angles, from ink and pencil to charcoal and collage. Out of my seven, this is the only one I think actually looks like a piece of fruit. The others look like pieces of something else... It is colored with a Sharpie marker base and a pastel chalk overlay, which gives it a nice soft orangey appearance.

This one took a while. It is done similar to the orange above, but on a much larger scale. In the center of class was a jumble of boxes on a table and we had to sketch it twice. The first one had to be colored by Sharpies and shaded with chalk while the second one had to be shaded with India ink. I'm working on the ink version in the picture at the top of this page, and I think it turned out better than this one; However, I got an A on both, which solidified my hypothesis that you can get an A on anything if it shows you at least spent some time trying to do the assignment, regardless of its outcome.

This is the backpack of the guy who sat next to me in class the same night we did our shoes, as it is also a contour line drawing done in charcoal. We had some extra time so I also did my keys. That night, he brought absolutely nothing to class, not a stitch of paper nor a splinter of a pencil. What was the point of him being there? To go outside every few minutes and smoke a cigarette, which I think covered up the stench of his multiple bong hits before he came to class that night. I haven't seen him since, and I've often wondered what was in the backpack.

As a warm up to the hand exercise we worked on the other night, after the fruit, we had to sketch this plaster mold of a hand holding a ball. Yes, it was a human hand thank you very much, and I know mine turned out to look more like a cross between an ape and an android, with a SpiderMan wrist. You can make fun of this one if you like, as Natalie just did, calling it a skeleton hand as she chortled from the room. Nice ball though, right? Right? Um, hello...

Maybe I'll post more when I get them. I did a drawing of the dash board of my truck that I'm actually proud of. We had to put them up on the board in front of the class so everyone can compare their drawing with everyone elses and with the exception of one other guy--who can't draw a bad picture--mine was the best one... at least that's what I felt.