Talking Trash

It seems that taking out the trash has become my job around here. Somehow, some way, when the trashcans fill up to capacity, it is my responsibility to make sure all the little trash cans around the house end up in the big trashcan outside, and then on Thursday morning, the three big trashcans outside are wheeled out to the curb. It is a never ending task, and as soon as I think that I'm on top of it, a new trashcan appears, seemingly out of nowhere, and it needs to be emptied.

I don’t know how I got this job, but it is mine, and I’m always looking for new ways to make it easier. Of course, it would be easier if I didn’t have to do it, but then the trash would pile up and spill over the sides and we’d soon be swimming in our own filth. Tantalizing option, for sure, but it doesn’t make for the most sanitary conditions to live in.

One of the trashcans upstairs is in the bathroom, a rather small trashcan, one of those oval ones that don’t hold very much but fit the overall décor of the room. I hate it because it seems to reject trash. Stand at the sink and toss something in the general direction of the trashcan and it will invariably end up on the floor…even if you’re really aiming. That wouldn’t be too bad if the trashcan wasn’t wedged between the toilet and the wall, so on trash days, I find myself on my knees fishing out little scraps of papers, Q-tips, cotton balls with black smudgy stains on them, empty toilet paper rolls, tissues, the occasional diaper, and some possible wadded up wipes from behind the toilet. Not my proudest moment, and I figured there has to be a better solution to this.

Then I got to thinking: I don’t normally use that trashcan. It’s not that I don’t produce trash, I do, but just not in the bathroom. One of the many benefits of being male is that we don’t have a lot of disposable toiletries to clutter up our lives. In fact, my whole morning routine revolves around a towel, a razor, some shaving cream, a toothbrush, a comb and one of those flossers. That it. The more I think about it, I’ve realized that I don’t even use that trashcan at all… so why not get rid of it?

A few weeks ago, I did just that. I tossed out the trashcan along with the trash one day and the problem was solved. No trashcan, no trash. No longer did I have to fish out icky trash from behind the toilet, and the bathroom seems so much cleaner.

But where did the trash go? Frankly, I don’t know, but I’m sure happy with the results. It doesn’t seem like there is any trash, because it isn’t piling up where the trashcan used to be…and nobody’s complained about it. The trash just disappeared.

So, the moral of the story is this: If you toss out the baby with the bath water, you don’t have to change diapers any more… and if there’s no trashcan to put trash in, there will no longer be any more trash.

Or something like that.