The Greatest Glass Ever Made

It will be of no surprise to anyone who has listened to me rant and rave about the wide variety of calamitous events that deride my ability to function as a normal person with a normal life, and it further be of no surprise that there are an inordinate ratio of rants to the few raves. As a pessimistic person (a.k.a. I’m a realist who broke his rose colored glasses), I see very little good in things and people, and evil is beset on all fronts.

That said, you may have noticed that I also have a propensity to humor my quirks, those few odd peculiarities that push me a small number of steps closer to full-blown insanity. One of those idiosyncrasies is my interest in glasses and formal dining cutlery. Yes, I know, it’s odd, but it stems from my inclination toward fine living, something I don’t think I qualify for. Basically, I like nice things. I rarely get them anymore, no so much because I can’t afford them, but because I don’t want to afford them. I’ve lamented on this before, but owning a fine suit that I will only wear if someone’s getting married or getting buried is no longer justifiable and I can’t see spending a small fortune on dinner (Disney-freakin-land notwithstanding).

However, I do like a good beer. Well, that isn’t entirely true, now is it? I had a Keystone Light a couple of days ago and despite the fact that I felt like I was sitting on a bale of hay deciding whether I reckon I’ll to go out to the barn and milk old Bessie, it was still refreshing. I don’t drink that much anymore, as it seems the older I get the less likely I’ll bounce up bright and early the next morning hardly scathed by a night out. Perhaps because I have so far removed myself from casual drinking, not that I ever degraded my brain cells to swim in fermented brews—well, there was those five years of college, but who remembers back that far? These days, it’s apple juice all around, while I will occasionally imbibe on a beer or two… or 10 on a particularly destructive occasion.

For the past dozen years or so, I’ve been able to afford Sam Adams, which as become my beer of choice. They offer a great range of flavors, and I like the idea of spending money with a large brewery that still has a microbrewery mentality. Plus, their commercials don’t tug on my heartstrings by parading around majestic horses or insult my intelligence by lascivious women who are turned on by guys will beer guts.

In all of those years, I’ve been drinking my Sam Adams with improper equipment. I own a variety of pilsner glasses (some stolen from bars, most not), mugs (some frosted, some not) and tall fluted steins (wedding present) suitable to drink a beer in, but according to the fine folks at Sam Adams, I’ve got it all wrong.

Who knew? All these years and I haven’t been completely enjoying my beer to the utmost of its potential. I introduce to you, the greatest glass ever made!

According to the company, the new Samuel Adams Boston Lager Pint Glass is the first glass specifically designed to showcase beer as brewers intended.

“It’s been a personal passion of mine to develop a beer glass that elevates the craft beer drinking experience" said Jim Koch, founder and brewer of Samuel Adams. “We wanted to create a glass that offers beer lovers a full sensory drinking experience by fully showcasing Samuel Adams Boston Lager’s complex balance of malt and hop flavors. This glass achieves that mission.”

On their site, it says: Tiax, the world-renowned sensory experts, worked closely with Jim to identify and evaluate the functional design features needed in a glass to showcase the key attributes of Samuel Adams Boston Lager. The key requirements for the perfect glass for Samuel Adams Boston Lager included: delivering sweetness from the malt; maximizing the hops aroma and flavor; maintaining the ideal temperature; supporting a rich and creamy head; and sustaining the right amount of carbonation.

Upon seeing this, I immediately sough to purchase the glasses on their site, happily paid $30 for them and excitedly awaited their arrival. Then I forgot about them… which turns out to be the best part, because when they did arrive, two weeks after I ordered them, I had no idea what was in the box. It was like Christmas.

But the best part was the little extras. The glasses were perfectly packed, but in the box I also discovered that they included a flat steel bottle opener with the Samuel Adams logo emblazoned on it and, curiously, a small packet of hops to smell (Sam Adams is proud of their use of a lot of hops).

I have yet to try the glasses or open the packet of hops, but when I do, I’m sure I’ll enjoy the experience.

Such simple pleasures.